Paul (29): I love you, but I’m not getting married!

I love my girlfriend Christine. We’ve been together for 8 years, which is long enough for partners to take another step forward. Christine is very aware of this, and lately, she’s been talking about nothing else than getting married. In her opinion, she deserves an engagement ring after so many years we have spent together.

The article was written based on the reader’s story. The photos are for illustration purposes only and the names of the people have been changed at the request of the reader.

I never promised to marry her

I met Christine at university, we both attended law school. It may sound like a cliche, but there was an instant spark between us. It makes school much easier when you can look forward to seeing someone you like. Although many student relationships don’t work out, we overcame various obstacles during those years and stayed together even after we finished our studies.

We started living together, and I won’t keep it a secret that I’m serious about Christine. But I never promised to marry her one day.

It is because of bad childhood experiences

When it comes to marriage, I am unequivocally against it. People may shake their heads in disbelief at my opinion or condemn me. But it could be because of my bad childhood experience. In fact, my mom got married six times. First time for my father, who she divorced when I was 7. After that, it kept happening again and again. She always found someone, it seemed serious between them, so they got married and divorced after a while.

And so it went on and on. For years I’ve had the image before my eyes that marriage simply doesn’t work out. That’s why I don’t believe that I need some kind of paper or a right to show my partner that I loved her and that I was counting on her.

Christine demands a ring she won’t get from me

Lately, things have started to fray at the edges between Christine and me. She began to demand the ring she felt she deserved after so many years we were dating. She knows perfectly well, though, that I don’t want to get married. That’s why fight and the arguments always end the same way. Christine starts crying and accusing me of not loving her enough and not being serious about her. I hug her every time and assure her of my love, but I always add that I am definitely not getting married.

She cornered me

It’s about a month back when Christine cornered me. One day, after another of the many arguments about the wedding, she packed the things and said I should finally figure out what I really wanted, and went to her mother’s house. Such a typical scene we see in the movies. I thought she’d calm down after a couple of days and come home. But Christine continues to stay with her mother, still insisting that I finally propose.


So, I now face an important decision. Should I be pushed into a wedding I said I didn’t want, or should I give up the woman I love and want to stay with for the rest of my life because of bad childhood experiences? I’ll have to make a choice.

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